Alright, let’s talk about them big red boots, you know, the ones everyone’s yappin’ about. I seen ’em on that TikTok thingy my grandkids are always lookin’ at. Lord, they’re somethin’ else.
First off, they’re HUGE. Like, bigger than a breadbox, bigger than my prize-winning pumpkin even. Someone said they’re the size of a person’s body, and I ain’t gonna argue with that. They look like somethin’ out of a cartoon, ya know? Like that Astro Boy my grandson watches.
- They’re big.
- They’re red.
- They’re boots.
Now, I heard tell these boots cost a pretty penny, somethin’ like 350 dollars. Can you believe that? For a pair of boots that look like they belong on a clown! Shoot, I could buy a whole new set of pots and pans for that much money, or maybe even a little piglet.
But I guess some folks think they’re fancy. They call it “fashion,” they say. Hmph, I call it plain silly. But hey, to each their own, I always say. If someone wants to walk around lookin’ like a giant tomato, that’s their business.
I also heard they’re kinda hard to get. Seems like there ain’t too many of ’em around. Only 200 pairs, someone said. So if you see someone wearin’ them big red boots, chances are they’re fake. Just like them fancy purses they sell at the flea market, all shiny and new but fallin’ apart after a week.
They say these boots are made by some group called MSCHF. Sounds like a sneeze to me. But they seem to like makin’ things that get people talkin’. And talkin’ they are, that’s for sure. Everywhere you go, it’s “big red boots this” and “big red boots that”.
Them boots are made of somethin’ soft and squishy, from what I hear. I guess that’s good, means your feet won’t hurt too much after walkin’ around in ’em all day. But still, I can’t imagine doin’ chores in them things. Tryin’ to milk a cow or hoe the garden in those giant red clodhoppers? No thank you.
Some folks say these boots are more like art than shoes. They say it’s about makin’ a statement, bein’ different. I guess that makes sense, kinda. Like them fancy paintin’s they have at the museum, the ones that don’t look like nothin’ but a bunch of squiggles and dots. People pay a lot of money for them too, so go figure.
And there’s talk about them bein’ waterproof. Made of that full-grain leather stuff. Well, that’s good I guess, keeps your feet dry. But still, I don’t know why you’d need waterproof boots that big unless you’re plannin’ on wadin’ through a river or somethin’. Maybe they’re good for stompin’ grapes, like they do in them fancy vineyards. But I ain’t never seen no grapes that big.
So yeah, them big red boots, they’re somethin’ alright. Big, red, and expensive. Not my cup of tea, but I guess they’re makin’ some folks happy. And that’s all that matters, I reckon. Long as they ain’t steppin’ on my petunias with them big ol’ things.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go make some supper. Got a pot of beans simmin’ on the stove, and them ain’t gonna cook themselves. And they definitely ain’t gonna fit in no big red boot, that’s for sure.
Tags: Big Red Boots, MSCHF, Astro Boy, Fashion, Shoes, Viral, TikTok, Cartoon Boots, Collectible
