So last Tuesday I finally did that Hamptons celebrity homes tour thing. Been saving up for months honestly. Woke up like way too early, 5AM kinda early, grabbed my camera and just hoped my phone wouldn’t die halfway through. Coffee was absolutely essential, stopped at that sketchy gas station near the highway. Strong stuff.
Getting There Was Half the Battle
Traffic crawled like molasses. Like seriously, took almost three hours just to get out to the East End. Tour meet-up spot was this fancy hotel lobby – marble floors, chandeliers, the whole deal. Felt kinda outta place in my sneakers honestly. Met our guide, Brenda, who had that super peppy “I do this every single day” energy. Hopped into this giant black van with tinted windows. Felt kinda VIP for a sec!
The First Stop Blew My Mind
Pulled up to this massive hedge fortress. Brenda rattled off some tech billionaire’s name who owns it. Could barely see the actual house past the shrubs! But the gates… oh man, these gates. Solid wrought iron, shiny, probably cost more than my whole life. Snapped pics like a paparazzo wanna-be. Place was dead quiet, felt kinda eerie honestly. Just this massive, silent compound.
Then Came the Beachfront Beast
Next house rambled along the ocean forever. Like, how many bedrooms does one pop star even need? Place looked brand new, all white concrete and glass. Got the lowdown:
- Tennis court hidden behind manicured hedges. For those crucial match points between album sessions, I guess?
- Infinity pool that seemed to spill right into the Atlantic. Seriously cool optical illusion.
- Private boardwalk down to the sand. Like their own personal red carpet to the beach. My toes were jealous.
Saw landscapers buzzing around. Wonder if the owner’s even there this summer.
The “Cozy” One (Yeah Right)
Third place Brenda called “quaint.” Quaint my foot! Big shingle-style house, looked like a hotel. Belonged to some hedge fund guy. The standout? This insanely huge garage. Looked like it could hold ten cars easy. Probably does. Whole property smelled like fresh-cut grass – seriously strong. Made me sneeze.
Final Stop: The Movie Mogul Mansion
This last one… jaw just dropped. Huge old estate belonging to a film producer. Stone walls, peaked roofs, looked like an English castle plopped on Long Island. Gardens were insane – roses everywhere, crazy sculpted bushes, hidden fountains. Felt like royalty just walking near it. Brenda said it sits on like 20 acres. TWENTY! Couldn’t even see the neighbors. Wonder if they borrow sugar?
Wrapping It Up & Thoughts
Van ride back was quiet. Everyone kinda stunned by the sheer scale we’d just seen. Just stared out the window at the normal houses passing by. My takeaway? Mind-blowing wealth, obviously. But honestly? Felt kinda isolating. So many giant, perfect houses sitting behind massive walls and hedges. Beautiful? Absolutely. Would I wanna live like that? Not sure. Makes you realize where “private beach” really means “you ain’t stepping foot here.” Still, totally worth seeing once! Now back to reality… and figuring out where I park my car.
