Alright so yesterday I decided to whip up a last-minute “walk of shame” costume for my friend’s party. Total beginner move, right? Figured I’d document this chaos live. Here’s exactly what went down:
Step 1: Raiding My Own Closet
First things first – rummaged through my closet like a raccoon in a dumpster. Needed something fancy-but-destroyed. Pulled out this wrinkled party dress I wore to a wedding last year (still had a tiny wine stain, perfect). Grabbed my sister’s way-too-small heels she left here – those puppies were painful trophies.
Step 2: The “Morning After” Hair
Okay, bedhead time. Didn’t wash my hair for two days straight – greasy bonus! Teased the living daylights out of it with a cheap comb until it looked like a bird’s nest. Sprayed half a can of dollar-store hairspray. Stuck some random bobby pins at wild angles. Looked like I’d wrestled a hairbrush and lost. Mission accomplished.
Step 3: Messy Makeup Disaster
Found my old Halloween makeup kit. Smeared black eyeliner under one eye like I’d cried it off. Dabbed bright red lipstick – but dragged it way outside my lip line on one side. Rubbed some foundation onto the collar of the dress like I’d slept in it. Made sure it looked intentionally awful.
Step 4: Adding the Cringey Props
This part killed me. Dug out a cheap plastic champagne flute. Taped a piece of paper that said “BRUNCH?” to it with masking tape – looked properly desperate. Threw on a bulky men’s flannel shirt I stole from my roommate’s laundry pile (sorry, Mark!). Carried my fuzzy slippers like I just fled the scene. Peak walk of shame vibes.
Step 5: Practicing the Walk & Owning It
Put on the whole disaster outfit. The heels murdered my feet instantly – great, added the perfect limping wince. Stumbled around my bedroom holding the “BRUNCH?” glass, making awkward eye contact with my mirror like “yikes, who’s this mess?” Practiced flipping my messy hair dramatically and sighing loudly. Took pics for evidence – looked legit tragic.
Final verdict? Spent maybe 30 minutes and $0 (using stuff destined for the trash). Looked hilariously terrible. Friend’s party is tonight. Honestly kind of proud of this hot mess. Should I wear it on Halloween? Maybe. Probably. Alright, gotta go ice my feet.
