Alright so yesterday I got this wild idea – let’s actually wear some 80s-style tights for a whole day and see what that mess felt like. Dug through my grandma’s old stuff in the attic like a crazy person until I found these plastic bins smelling like mothballs and sadness. Jackpot – three pairs sealed up like museum artifacts. One shiny metallic silver, another with these ridiculous black fishnet patterns, and this third pair in nuclear neon pink that probably glowed in the dark.
First surprise? They felt like plastic wrap. Seriously stiff and weird right outta the package. Had to sit on the edge of my bed wiggling into them like some awkward caterpillar. Zero stretch compared to my normal leggings. Heard this snap sound halfway up – totally thought I ripped them open already. Nope, just the weird reinforced top band trying to murder my waist.
The Fashion Show From Hell
- The Shiny Silver Pair: Tried these with an oversized band tee. Looked like a baked potato wrapped in tinfoil. Every step sounded like someone crumpling a chip bag.
- Fishnet Disaster: Went for the punk look but uh… got carpet burn putting these on? Also discovered my legs look like uncooked sausage stuffed in these diamond-shaped nets.
- Radioactive Pink: Actually had to squint putting these on. My jeans barely covered the ankles – flashed neon every time I sat down.
Wore each pair for 3 hours. Big mistake. By lunchtime:
- Silver pair started sagging at the knees like deflated balloons
- Fishnets snagged on literally everything – kitchen chairs, my cat, a doorknob?
- Neon ones left this awful pink dye ring around my waist. Looked like someone hit me with pepto-bismol.
Tried the “80s trick” of spraying hairspray on runs. Yeah didn’t work. Just made my legs sticky while the run kept growing like a living thing. That fishnet snag turned into a canyon by dinner time.
Final thoughts? No clue how anyone danced in these death traps. Got sweaty just walking to my mailbox. They either cut off your circulation or fell down constantly. That cheap material stuck to everything – couches, car seats, your soul. Found myself constantly pulling them up like some bad meme. Whole experience felt like wearing sandwich bags full of regret.
Threw them back in the bin afterwards. Grandma’s generation were absolute warriors putting up with this nonsense daily. My normal leggings feel like clouds now. Crazy what people called fashion.
