Kicking Off This Time Capsule Trip
So I dug out my grandma’s old photos yesterday, saw this wild Dolly Parton shot from her Porter Wagoner days. Thought hell, why not try recreating that 60s bombshell look myself? Grabbed my box of vintage wigs and started hunting for that high hair magic.
The Great Wig Struggle
First I tried teasing this cheap blonde wig I got on clearance. Looked like a scared poodle! Ripped it off, tried fluffing it by hand. No dice. Ended up dumping a whole bottle of dollar-store hairspray into it. Sticky mess, but finally got some height. Propped it with three bobby pins shaped like a tripod.
Makeup time was worse:
- Smeared baby-blue eyeshadow halfway to my eyebrows
- Drew eyeliner wings so big they could fly
- My fake lashes kept peeling off like dead spiders
Found this polyester dress stuffed in my costume bin – tighter than sausage casing. Couldn’t breathe right for two hours. Worth it though, that shit sparkled under my bathroom lights.
Cheap Tricks and Happy Accidents
Couldn’t find proper rhinestones so I busted open an old necklace. Glued those plastic gems on my collar with nail polish. Looked janky up close but photographed okay. Cut up a plastic Coke bottle to make dangly earrings. Stabbed my thumb doing that – bled on the dress. Panic wiped it with vodka.
Finished off with coral lipstick I found at the bottom of my purse. Taste like crayons but damn that color popped.
The Grand Reveal
Finally struck my best sassy honky-tonk pose in the mirror. Actually giggled – looked like Dolly’s weird cousin! Took fifty selfies before the wig started sliding sideways. Whole thing lasted maybe twenty minutes before the eyelashes surrendered.
My cat looked horrified the entire time. Probably thinks I’ve lost it. But hey, now I know how to rock beehive hair with household junk!
